I am a BEAUTIFUL, SINGLE, child-less 25-y/o woman. I work full time, have my college degree and volunteer on the weekends. I am not saying I am PERFECT, but I think that I am a damn good catch. I have only had 2 maybe 3 serious relationships. 2 of which both men had children from a previous relationship. This has seemed to be my pattern. I always get invloved romantically or sexually with men who are either still hung-up on their exes (ex-girlfreinds, babymama’s etc.) or they are in an undercover relationships with women that they pass off as being casual/nonchalant. I am NO HOMEWRECKER. I am no mistress and I damn sure am not anyone’s second best or waiting for their sloppy seconds. Does anyone know how I can attract and meet SINGLE, preferably child-less men? I live in Atlanta by the way. I am just tired and depressed from getting attached to men who are attached to someone else…
And yes, I do ‘sever’ things when I realize they are attched to someone else.
Gene—wherever you digg up your faux rhetoric, you should try digging a bit deeper. I don’t ‘purposefully’ go into relationships with men I KNOW I can’t have. They are still GOOD men, they just aren’t that into ME—because they are with or attach to someone else. On the other hand, you’re right. The ‘classic’ good guy is a bore and more times that not—I am not physically attracted to him. And TRUST—my future husband won’t be bangin any young chicks on the side. Because he will have outgrown that type of immature display of self-esteem and self centered urges.
Thanks MaryB! That was very sweet. And insightful.
DAD—-that was the REALEST response I’ve gotten from a guy on here EVER. I NEVER looked at it that way, and that’s so TRUE. Great anology. I do want the well-together guy without having to go through the process of getting him there. But then again, where is the guy that is going to condition and train me?
Chosen Answer:
I once asked a psychologist why it was that I always seemed to end up with “bad boys” as if I had something stamped on my forehead that said treat me like crap & use me & she told me that it was because I for some reason was attracted to a certain characteristic that all these men possessed. I believe there is alot of truthe in what she said when I look back at all the guys I have been involved with in the past. This could be the same for you- something about these guys attracts you & you send those kind of signals out that you are interested & then you find out that they are not worthy of your love. The hard part is figuring out what those characteristics are that attract you to them. I still haven’t quite figured it out or maybe I have & still am unwilling to stay away from those kinds of guys. At least you have the common sence to not get too heavily involved once the cat is out of the bag. I hope that someday soon a guy comes along for you who is everything you want in life & is emotionally available to you & ONLY you.
by: Mary B
on: 15th March 08
17 responses so far ↓
1 abc // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:30 am
it’s a subconscience thing actually…although you probably won’t buy this…..you are attracting what you can’t have……
2 Client 9 Valerie X // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:31 am
Welcome to womanhood…..and it doesn’t matter if your are single, married, have children or don’t…..some men are dogs and will go after anything willing that has 3 holes….best you learn this fact NOW.
3 John K // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:32 am
Sounds like you are swimming in the wrong pool. Try dating more upscale men.
4 ~leaving traces~ // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:34 am
Because you are every man’s dream, Doll. While you might CARE if they are married, players do NOT. They play their wives, they play the other woman…it’s just MESSY.
I think you just have to be upfront and watch for red flags.
If something doesn’t seem right, it’s probably not.
If you’d rather date someone WITHOUT children, it’s OK to say, “I”m really sorry, but I’m looking for something a little different.” and move on.
Try a dating site where they match people according to questionaires, like http://www.eharmony.com or http://www.match.com
Personally, I’d probably just hope I ran into someone at Starbuck’s or something on my own. It’s hard, but you have it all going on, so you should have your pick.
5 letterstoheather // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:34 am
it might be that you subconsciously gravitate to these types because you might have some sort of fear of intimacy. i suppose this is something you could explore for yourself.
meanwhile, join a gym, take a class, get yourself OUT there to meet people… keep yourself busy — do lunch with friends, go window shopping, take up a hobby… you live in a huge city, so the possibilities are almost endless.
i hope it works out…
6 Lori Lapp // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:34 am
Men are me they can’t help but look at other women. Lori
7 American Beauty // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:34 am
You choose to involve yourself with these types of guys; so don’t complain. You’re also very hung up on yourself and this isn’t attractive at all. Concentrate more on your personality and you’ll meet a better calibre of men.
8 mommyof1 // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:35 am
Sounds like its not you doing anything to lure the men away from their partner but it sounds like these guys are just scum bags who dont deserve you or their partner. Dont think you are doing anything wrong because your not. How would you know they are attatched? You dont. Just keep on doing your thing girl and the right man will come along.
9 peggin_beast // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:36 am
Maybe date “younger” guys.
Just date around tell you find one who hasn’t had kids.
Join a church and find a nice young man there.
Check online dateing. Most profiles say if they have kids or not. ( most parents, are proud to be parents).
10 aLiYaH // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:40 am
You have to get in a relationship feeling confident and without ANY worries.Also,you cant set your mind on something,you cant tell yourself that the guy is going to cheat or ya’ll are’nt going to make it…
Just be open and dont foreget what you’re looking for in a guy.Be straight-forward and play hard to get with a few guys!
Good luck.!
11 linnora_fates // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:41 am
Well this is going to be upsetting but the chances are that you are not ready for a relationship. You go out with guys with whom you know there is no future you have a very full plate look at all you do and have done! I think men see this as a good thing for them.. I can see my kids on weekends because she won’t mind as she has her volunteer work or she has her career so she wont care if I cant give her 100% since she is doing other stuff.. she won’t notice… Then again maybe the men in Atlanta are dogs? I have a friend who is going to school there and that is her opinion she cant wait to come back to the north east. I think when you meet men you should not tell them ALL about you from the start instead after a date or two let them know that you LIKE A LOT of attention and you do not like to share. Going after meant who are about your age might help as well.. since they are less likely to have that many kids.. I hope
12 Gene H // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:48 am
Better question: why are the good men you seek invisible to you? You LIKE drama, danger, and conflict. The men you are attracted to are on purpose guys you aren’t ‘supposed’ to want. It is no more their fault than it is the fault of the other men who probably approach you whom you find boring or too ‘something’. When you’re older, you’ll be whining about your husband banging some young chick and you’ll still be crying about not being able to find good men.
13 Mary B // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:55 am
I once asked a psychologist why it was that I always seemed to end up with “bad boys” as if I had something stamped on my forehead that said treat me like crap & use me & she told me that it was because I for some reason was attracted to a certain characteristic that all these men possessed. I believe there is alot of truthe in what she said when I look back at all the guys I have been involved with in the past. This could be the same for you- something about these guys attracts you & you send those kind of signals out that you are interested & then you find out that they are not worthy of your love. The hard part is figuring out what those characteristics are that attract you to them. I still haven’t quite figured it out or maybe I have & still am unwilling to stay away from those kinds of guys. At least you have the common sence to not get too heavily involved once the cat is out of the bag. I hope that someday soon a guy comes along for you who is everything you want in life & is emotionally available to you & ONLY you.
14 Benjamin R // Mar 14, 2008 at 9:04 am
stop looking and you’ll find what your searching for. Thats how i found my love I just stopped looking.
15 Anonymous // Mar 14, 2008 at 9:08 am
You may be jealous about other women and may have complex about yourself. If you always attract men who are attached to other women, that means you want to beat her by stealing their men. And then you may be satisfied about yourself but it’s a wrong way. Think about the reverse. If the other women want to steal your boy friend or husband would you be happy about it?
16 dad // Mar 14, 2008 at 9:09 am
Your looking at the wrong guys . This is what your looking at . Your looking at this well dressed well mannered well groomed man . But i want to tell you who got him that way or them that way . It was either there girl ex girl woman what ever you want to call her she is the one that you admire so . That is her work that you are looking at . She is the one that made him the way he is that attracts you . Its true us truly single guys are pigs. Its not that we don’t care what we dress in or how well groomed we are we just don’t notice things like that . Yes its woman that make us look so good . Allot of woman wonder where all the good guys are and say that they are all taken . Not true there all over you just have to pic one and make him look and act the way you wont him.
LOL Did you ever wonder why woman call us dogs . Well you just have to train the old dog turn him into what ever you want but stop looking at the other woman’s work and create your own. No one ever said training dogs is an easy job but you cant just pick a well trained dog up off the street and think he doesn’t have an owner
17 Dose of Reality // Mar 14, 2008 at 9:13 am
I had this problem myself for many years. You probably attract a lot of men, and have problems with them being all over you, which turns you off. You may be blocking the single, available men who seem desperate, and going for the seemingly more controlled men who don’t monopolize all your time (you have a life, after all – and hope they do too). Unfortunately, oftentimes these guys are giving you space because they are already in relationships, or have other issues to deal with, like ex’s and kids. You are not only attracting men who are attached to other women – you are the one subconsciously attracted to them in because of your independent lifestyle. In any case, what you seek is out there. I finally met someone with all the qualities I was looking for….no kids, even….and he was single with no ex’s he was hung up on when I met him! 5 months and going very, very strong. Good luck to you!
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