I have a number of psychological problems, but the one problem I can never get around to discussing with my counsellors / psychologists also happens to be my biggest problem, and that is Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
The reason why I cannot discuss it with them is that in the process of encouraging me in my battle in other things, they happen to say “you’re beautiful” or “you’re a beautiful young woman” or something like that. Some of them even often complimemt me on how I look at the beginning of the session.
I can’t discuss my BDD with friends either, because any comment on feeling ugly, or how I hate any part of my appearance, only sounds like I’m fishing for compliments…when the truth is, I’m screaming out for help from my BDD prison…because it is a large source of daily depression for me, and a contributory factor to my bullimia.
I’m not the prettiest, but….I don’t know. Just because I know I will never be beautiful and will only attract ugly guys and possibly, if I find an ugly husband, have ugly kids….therefore I often wish I didn’t have to be alive.
Please…help me my e-mail is email@example.com…I think I really need people to talk to on this….
You’re placing way too much importance on looks!! So WHAT if you have an ugly husband and ugly children? Holy cow, hun, that is ABSOLUTELY not even important!! I used to know a little girl who suffered a horrible burn to her face, she is hideously disfigured, and she was the happiest little girl I have ever met! She enjoyed life completely! She didn’t CARE if she only attracted an ugly husband, as long as he was beautiful in heart and soul she did not care! She did not care if people stared! And she was always smiling. In her way she was absolutely beautiful because her heart and happiness just shined through her like a beam of light, and she NEVER felt sorry for herself. No one needed to pity her because she didn’t pity herself. She was very thankful to be alive, and loved every second she had.
Then that little girl I used to know grew up into a woman. And she still didn’t care that she was disfigured. She did have several surgeries, but not to try and improve her appearance, only because scar tissue doesn’t stretch and move and isn’t flexible, so some of her scars were constantly painful and restrictive. Anyway, she was horribly disfigured and yet she didn’t care. And she got married to a wonderful man who loves her and kisses her face, and he thinks that she is beautiful, and you know what? SHE feels beautiful, despite everything!! Her husband, by the way, ISN’T an ugly man, either!
I have a cousin who had a little girl. His brother, my other cousin also had a little girl. One little girl was a really lovely girl. Blonde hair, blue eyes, slender figure. Everyone loved her and fawned all over her just because she was pretty. The other little girl was an ugly girl. Poor thing. She really was ugly. Not “cute” or “ok”… no she seriously looked like Mr. Magoo… but a girl. She was downright ugly. I grew up with them. Now, as adults, the pretty one is a spoiled rotten nasty b-word. I don’t like her, we aren’t friends. She doesn’t have many of those!!! No husband, bf after bf, but no one ever sticks around, or she ditches them cuz she is picky and stuck up and she is always a miserable person!! She is NEVER happy!! The ugly cousin? Well, she is still pretty darn ugly. Not that I would ever say that to her… she is an ugly woman. But she is so sweet and nice and loving… I really enjoy her company, talking to her always brightens my day. She is married to a handsome successful man!! He is a very nice man and they are very happy together. And she is just a really happy person. They have beautiful children that are beautiful because of how they live their lives and how happy and grateful they are, not because they match some social standard that changes every 10 years anyway. Her children are NOT ugly. Besides, beauty fades so fast!
So how long will you be pretty? You say you’re not beautiful, but that you’re young and therefore fresh looking, you’re not disfigured, and you’re probably fairly attractive… so how long will even that last you? Age is going to melt all that away, you know. Are you going to spend every moment of you life past about 35 becoming slowly more and more miserable as your youthful glow fades away and you have no beauty left? Then what? Are you going to look at pictures of yourself from when you were 20 and say “OH MY GOD, I was pretty!!! WHY oh WHY did I waste ALL of that time feeling bad about myself and being MISERABLE when I could have enjoyed the beauty I had for the short time I had it?”
And are you going to throw in the towel when you hit 40? You going to die then because you’ll be so miserable?
Enjoy your loveliness while you can. It could be worse. You could be very ugly. You could be disfigured. You could be starving to death in a 3rd world country, or losing all your hair to chemotherapy while clinging to life…. be grateful for what you have and SMILE… life is passing you by fast, my friend!!
on: 15th August 11