I have been married for 7 years and both of us are very sincere to each other. Our major issue was my lack of sexual desire on my side. My husband was at his boiling point this March and had many a times clearly told me that this marriage will not go on like this…we loved each other but I could not have enjoyable sex and I would not even dream or look at any other guy.
At work this guy came from another dept and I will not go into small details but I got attracted to him. When he talked to me I got shy and he caught that. We both liked each other and felt attraction. I felt so guilty that I started avoiding him, but there was something really strong in the air. I feel so bad that I could not chat with him neutrally as I am a very expressive and emotional person and unintentionally my body language expressed my likeness.
I am sure he found out later that I was married but he still came around hoping I would make eye contact but I did not due to being very conscious and shy. Now I don’t work at that place any more…but being a very conscientious person, I feel guilty of even thinking about another man…but it saved my marriage as my sexual desire came back 
. It sounds weird but what no medication could fix was fixed with dreams of this guy.
I have thought a lot as to what made me feel attraction towards him. He came in, looked confident, was joking, laughing, looked manly, non serious and laid back yet serious. Now when I analyze, I think that I am just like that….good looking and humble, love to laugh loud, and expressive. My husband, though I thought that opposites attract before marriage, now I think that finally what we really enjoy is company of friends; birds of a feather flock together.
Being a conscientious person, it bothers me when I imagine what he might think of me….I mean, married and got attracted to him in first discussion. My shy face might have been taken as “giving a clue”, which is not true…Please comment ladies and gentlemen….esp single guys (35 to 40′s)
Chosen Answer:
Stop being so conscientious as there is only one life!!!
Forget about prejudices, what you need is wild and amazing sex which obviously is not what you’re having with your husband.
by: IЯЯƎVƎЯƧIBLƎ
on: 13th October 08
10 responses so far ↓
1 Mary K // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:16 pm
This happens to everyone, including your husband who would never be so honest with you…as you are on here.
You are lucky to have selected the right path, and not engaged into an affair.
2 scoutma53 // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Many marriages have been saved by a little fantasy. Don’t obsess about it, you did the right thing.
3 Love Parade // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Stop being so conscientious as there is only one life!!!
Forget about prejudices, what you need is wild and amazing sex which obviously is not what you’re having with your husband.
4 Miss Caroline // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Yes, we’re human…but we’re also animals in a sense. Especially when it comes to sex. This is completely normal, what isn’t normal is if you act upon it.
5 Jason F // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:22 pm
well, good thing ur marriage is back to normal, because there was a disaster brewing from that situation. if you arent happy with a situation with your significant other, see what you can change to make the situation better (all you can change is you, trying to make your partner change isnt good for either of you). if that doesnt produce enough change, see if you can change your expectations of him, just knowing that thats the way he is. after that, its a matter if you can live with the expectations you come to, and decide if the relationship is worth the degree of sacrifice. cheating is never the answer. being attracted to ppl happens, but you’re in a different stage of life than that single man you were attracted to. he will go his way, and you will go yours. as for what he thinks, dont worry he will go on with his life, and you will go on with yours. cmon now, im only 22 and i know spending extra time on caring what other people are thinking is a waste of time and stress. have fun with your husband, and enjoy the focuses of your life, and dont live them by what other people “think” of your demeanor.
6 Sean // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:24 pm
I can’t even begin to tell you how amazed I am to hear something in my category that said you did not cheat. I was almost 100% sure that that was going to end with, “So how do I tell him I bonked this guy in the back room at…..”
It didn’t though, and I say Hooray! to fantasies.
That’s great, just expressing my opinion.
7 Tangarin // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Nothing happened between you and this other man, you were attracted to him which is natural, we all feel attraction towards people so long as we don’t act it out then that is not cheating. You said it saved your marriage then that can’t be bad, maybe you were lacking excitement and desire. I suggest if you ever feel this way then tell your husband that you want to do exciting things in the bedroom, play roll games or dress up sexy and have dinner dates then come home and make passionate love, to keep the spark alive, I think when your married it takes a lot to keep the passion going, not loosing it is the key. Maybe you could watch porn together and that could help you get turned on more and it would make your husband happy as well. Don’t feel guilty sometimes fantasising about other people while making love to our partner isn’t a bad thing at all. After all men do it all the time. Good luck with your mariage and I hope you keep the passion going for a long time to come.
8 Scott D // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:26 pm
First of all, I’ll address the man’s point of view. As you showed signs of attraction (whether you wanted to or not), he picked up on that. As time went on and the attraction was still there, that, to him, became an invitation. This invitation was to continue the flirting, talking, and could and would have progressed to more if you two gave it a chance. He is probably thinking that if you had an affair with him, he’s not the jerk there, he’s the victim. It would be your fault. Therefore, he’s the one who was approached. That’s what he would be thinking.
For you, what this man had were the qualities that your husband did not have. Therefore, you were attracted to that. I’m glad you didn’t partake in the affair because you would have paid twice as bad in the end.
When I was younger, I was an amateur womanizer. I would think that stealing a taken woman was easy. All I had to do is find out what she was missing in her relationship then give it to her. Every woman has her “perfect man criteria”, but she will never find the perfect man who possesses every quality. Therefore, I took advantage of that.
If this man was a respectful gentleman, he wouldn’t be a homewrecker and advance himself on you. If he did, he’s just a “player”.
I’m glad you came to reality and straightened out your head. That right there will make you a better person and wife.
9 imintowater // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Has your husband been the dominating force in your marriage? Because it sounds like it. You weren’t being sexually satisfied, and this guy at your work, filled the fantasy void. Relax. You should talk to the guy at work, if anything, just to clear the air.
10 robsmom // Oct 6, 2008 at 10:45 pm
you know Maria…it isn’t “how” we got our confidence but “that” we got it. Sounds to me that the image of that guy and the way he made you feel about yourself is something that he may never know how he helped you. And he doesn’t need to know. You are a better person because of him. You didn’t do anything wrong. I met a guy many years ago who happened to be 20 yrs. older than me. Back then they were called “sugar daddies”. I didnt’ allow that to happen because I too was shy..but I “felt” beautiful because of him. Turns out I WAS beautiful and I learned to have so much self-respect because of him. A little secret that I haven’t told anyone……. I googled him about 6 months ago. He is over retirement age… wealthy and still as happy and wonderful as ever. He could NOT believe that I “found” him and he was just amazed at my story to him of how knowing him made my life so worth while. We plan to meet in the near future. Don’t ever think that a person, just because they are opposite sex and a hunk could have steered you wrong. If knowing him made you change things for the best about yourself (without crossing lines) then you were more than blessed to have been around him. One day you might want to do what I did. but make sure a lot of years have passed so that he doesn’t think you are playing with him. I wouldn’t trade my memories of my guy who left this life long impression on me with anything else in life! Thanks for bringing out this moment for me. You are a special lady!
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