I have always been abnormally curious about the human body. I read many many books, that all at some point mention romance or describe sexual acts or just simple thoughts of a character. I’ve always been very interested in sex. Women are beautiful creatures, men are beautiful creatures. I can acknowledge a woman’s attractive presence and why one would find specific things about her sexually arousing. My sexual orientation is absolutely straight. I am only attracted to males yet I can look at a woman with the thoughts of a man. Not wanting her, but just being able to think about her in that way. I am almost fully convinced thats because I read so much. So many characters and details and feelings. When I read, I get so involved, I become the characters. They are alive in my head, only during the process of reading the book of course. I began masturbating when I was 11 or 12. My mind is very sexual, I am constantly fantasizing, to the point where I believe I might be worse than a guy. Its not always right to the point of “banging”, I can fantasize about a subtle kiss on the hand. A whisper. A specific look in the eyes. Unspoken words, only read through body language. But then I can also think of things such as, being tied up. Foreplay with ice cubes. The orgasm itself, feelings/sounds.Striptease. Against a wall. I pick up a lot of images from books, movies, etc but the majority is all from my head. I am over imaginative. Constantly imagining any new scenarios, you name it, I’ve thought it. Now here comes the confusing information. I’m mostly traditional. I’m not waiting till I’m married to have sex, but I refuse to lose my virginity in high school. I’ve yet to have my first real kiss.I’ve had very few boyfriends and it takes me an exceptional amount of time to become comfortable around them. I’m conservative, shy. A good girl, but my mind is so bad. I go through streaks of sometimes masturbating 3 times a day to only once every 2 weeks. Sometimes I become so turned on by imagining, I can’t hardly control myself. As of now, I’ve been with someone for a 1 and a half. I am very comfortable with him and trust him so much but I’m still not used to his touch. I love it though. The most we’ve done; he’s set me up on the bathroom counter and kissed my neck, stroked me with his fingers around my inner thighs and genitals, sucks on my earlobes, grabbed my breasts, licked around my stomach, I’ve sat on top of him. But everything has been with clothes on!, except for licking my stomach. We have been best friends for a year and a half, with him always having feelings for me but I didn’t return them, until about 2 months ago. So that’s why just now we’re beginning to go a little further. But I still have my limits. I get so turned on by him by just starring at his lips. Or when he pulls up his shirt, amazing body. The only times I can really express my thoughts sexually are through the phone, or some kind of communication device. Texting. I’ve sent few pictures of me in my underwear. Just to tease him because he’s never seen me outside of my clothes. But in texting. When I’m in one of my moods, I’ll just explode on him. Tell him everything I want to do to him or vise versa. But in person my body freezes up. He has such a strong effect with just one touch I can’t even move. I’m constantly thinking about sex and romantic touches, interesting moves, extravagant ideas. I’m only a 15 year old girl. What is wrong with me?! You might think “ohhh its normal to be curious, your just going through a stage”. But no! I have ALWAYS been this way since I can remember. Its not normal thoughts, its over the top. If anyone could step in my head, they’d probably die of shock. That someone as innocent looking as I could think and want such things. Please help, I’m afraid I might have some sort of condition. A sex addict but without the sex. Sorry its so long, theres a lot of information.
So sorry about the length, I just really need some help!
Okay so I would say just have sex once you feel ready. (use protection!!!!!) It seems you really need to just do it. I was the exact same way from age 12ish to17. I wanted to but wasn’t ready. It’ll feel right when its right, and once you do it you’ll be relieved.There is nothing more wrong with you than just being very sexually frustrated. You are doing the right thing by taking it slow and experimenting (like the txting.) Just be safe and have fun and don’t check into rehab- your FINE!
on: 26th September 09